Fourth of July Journal

On the afternoon of July 4, I sat on my deck, reading, and I got to thinking about 4^th of July’s past. I grew up on a lake and the tradition was for all of my mom’s sisters and their families to gather in the early afternoon and eat typical midwestern food: hamburgers, potato salad, baked beans, and beer. There wasn’t corn-on –the-cob because it was only “knee high by the fourth of July.” We had a lot of fun at the lake, swimming just sitting around swatting mosquitoes and talking. A least I remember it as fun, until later I learned there were lots of undercurrents of bad memories and hard feelings, but I was oblivious back then.

As I remembered there on my deck, I felt sad and irritated. Sad because I was alone in Berkeley on the 4^th of July and irritated about all the unspoken irritations and frustrations that my family didn’t face directly. How could they have all these things going on in the pressure cooker and never address them? What’s wrong with them?

When I still felt unsettled this morning, I began to write about it in my journal. I’m always amazed at how the truth comes out as I write in my journal, which is why I am always encouraging people to journal. You’ll be amazed at what you learn about yourself when you decide on a topic and just start writing – no editing.

In this case, I thought I was mad at my family for having a good time when there are lots of unresolved issues, but I ended up writing about how I miss those family events! My feeling disgruntled was really sour grapes! I miss seeing the people with whom I have generational ties and inside jokes. Maybe I wanted to be disgruntled because I am a very different person from that girl at the lake and I fall into old patterns and it’s hard to be authentic with them. Maybe my own charade is the reason why I don’t see much of my extended family.

As I thought about this, I realized that I really respect their efforts at friendliness and camaraderie and I honor their good intentions, which gives me even more appreciation for the fun of those family times. It sure would be wonderful  to revisit that lake and catch up with the Aunts. It can happen in my dreams!

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If you’ve been reading my articles for a long time, you know that I often add a coaching moment or a little exercise to illustrate how you could incorporate self awareness in your own life. Here goes:

1.       Journal. You’ll be surprised at what you learn about yourself!

2.       When you feel disgruntled, instead of thinking what’s wrong with them, look more deeply at your own feelings and you might discover something quite amazing!

Happy July!

©2007, Jacqueline Hale