Trying On Retirement

Several weeks ago, I decided to get out of the internet marketing business. The work had possessed me. I was giving it my full time attention and getting almost zero response. After nearly a year of untangling the multitude of messages from internet marketing gurus, I was left confused, overburdened, and frustrated. I was spending money and working too many hours; and while I had created webpages, blogs, and articles, I wasn’t seeing the money. Finally, I decided that developing an internet empire wasn’t the way I wanted to spend my time.

Here’s the dilemma. Am I retiring? I’m certainly of retirement age, so maybe I am retiring. We have retirement income, so it’s feasible to retire if I stop spending money on internet marketing. I didn’t feel ready to retire, after all, I still love coaching and writing these articles. I thought I’d try on the retirement idea, and for the past month I have not done any internet marketing. I have been busy with things I really like. I made a quilt, I knitted two hats and three scarves, I peeled and prepared bushels of apples from my daughter’s tree, I read several books, and I worked on projects around the house and garden. Isn’t that what retirement is all about?

I loved all that activity, but I started to feel … what? Was it empty? Was it old? Was it purposeless? Was it all those things? Whatever it was, it didn’t feel great because I began having this heavy sense of missing the boat. Where’s the meaning in life if I have gifts to give and don’t give them? Quilts and scarves and apple pies are fine gifts, but I’m not done giving what has heart and meaning for me. As I’ve sat with that feeling and the question about definition of heart and meaning, I came back to one of my favorite activities – being with people who are sitting around the table sharing their stories and their troubles with people who have time and the inclination to listen and support. That often happens when friends and acquaintances join us at our house in the mountains. It also happens when people get together to work on a project.

Having thought that thought, I came up with this plan: to coach whatever clients come my way, to write articles, and to hold monthly retreats at our house in the mountains. I’ve done retreats there before, but they were structured as workshops. What I have in mind is more rejuvenation and less personal work. What I have in mind is low key, only three or four people. We might spend an hour each talking about what’s working and what needs help in our lives with a little brainstorming. The rest of the time we can go for walks or hikes in glorious Yosemite, or sit by the fire and read or whatever makes us feel better about life at the end of the weekend. I think it’s a good idea and I’m coming out of retirement to try it out!

Ah, six weeks of retirement. That was perfect. I think some people would have called it a sabbatical, but since I’m self-employed, that term didn’t occur to me until just now when I typed it. Let me know if the retreat idea appeals to you. Even if you can’t come to California to attend, it would be great to hear your thoughts on the idea.

©2007, Jacqueline Hale

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