Archive for the Articles Category

Bigger than I Dreamed Possible

July 26, 2007 by jacquie.

Sometimes dreams come true that you haven’t even dared to dream. That happened to me last week. I attended a leadership workshop with 60 other coaches. We were describing a quest—not THE quest, but some quest that was worthy of our attention and aligned with our life missions. I chose to explore informing women about how PMS symptoms and peri-menopausal difficulties can be a wakeup call to look more deeply at how they are living their lives. Since I’m really interested in that topic and get enthusiastic responses from women who want more information or just nod knowingly, I started developing a plan on how to deliver that information. During the last interaction on the last day, I partnered with a woman I knew well by reputation and slightly in reality.
Actually, I was surprised Linda was in this seminar because I hadn’t known she was a coach; only coaches were invited. I love the work she has done. She has raised the money to start two schools for girls in Tanzania and Kenya. I’ve supported her projects and others funded by Global Partners for Development (www.gpfd.org), and I was delighted to get the opportunity to know her better in this seminar. Suddenly, in the last minutes of the three day event, she asked me if I’d want to collaborate with her on a leadership program for the African girls and if I’d like to travel to Africa with her in January, 2008 to co-lead the program there.
This is bigger than a dream come true. I’ve always wanted to go to Africa! Always. I’ve loved the idea of sending these girls to school and I’ve even enlisted my friends to do little fund raisers to contribute to the very cause I was invited to facilitate. But in my wildest dreams, I never aspired to facilitate anything in that venue. I’ve taken a few days just to calm my breathing enough to think clearly about what I’ll have to do to accommodate this new project. I still don’t know, but I am certain to do what it takes to make it happen. Facilitating change in Africa and going on a safari! Could I ask for more?
I guess I could. I am asking myself how to make the money I’ll need for this trip. My travel expenses won’t be paid because the funds go to the programs. I’ve been giving some thought to that task, and right on cue, the Universe delivered a boost. I got two new clients on Friday which reassures me that more clients and book sales and ecoaching programs will bring in more income. Of course, I’ll borrow the money if that’s what it takes. I’ve always wanted to go to Africa, and having a purpose for going makes it all the more delicious!
I’d like to make some sort of coaching exercise out of this experience, but the only thing I can think of is to encourage you to keep developing your gifts and skills because you never know when your dream project will show up. Several of my friends have said, “You’ve been getting ready for this for a very long time!” I am grateful for my own perseverance!
©2007, Jacqueline Hale

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Easy, Peaceful Feeling

July 23, 2007 by jacquie.

Last weekend, we attended the California World Music Festival in Grass Valley. Three things were absolutely perfect. OK, there were probably more than three things, but I want to mention three in this article: fabulous music, perfect weather, and a gathering of people who respect each other.

I suppose the music is a given. Why wouldn’t a music festival have great music? What amazed me was the variety of the music and the accessibility. There were five performance venues and the one hour sets were staggered so that we could walk around and hear bits of each group. When we found one we liked, we just sat down and enjoyed it. The organization of sound equipment alone was incredible. Imagine switching over from an Afro-Caribbean group of eight who dance around to a Sikh group of six musicians who sit on the floor. The microphone placement alone would be a challenge and the stage crews switched over in 30 minutes, including the sound check!

The weather was notable in being wonderfully warm –and without bugs! We were in the pines of the Sierra foothills, which meant there was always shade somewhere near the music stage and usually a little breeze. Last year, when we discovered this wonderful event, the temperatures were over 100 degrees, so this year’s 85 degrees was a dream come true. And in the evening, for the five hours of rotating sets, it was cool enough for a long sleeved shirt without down parkas! And no mosquitoes.

What I really want to write about were the people. I’d guess there were a thousand people there, maybe more. The attendees ranged from aging hippies to young families, and we saw every conceivable example of tie-dyed clothing ever invented.  What was remarkable was the sense of ease. I think I’ve lived in an urban environment too long. It took me two days to realize that I was relaxed. People actually noticed if they might be blocking your view and asked if they should move their beach chair one direction or the other. Instead of irritated shifting from foot to foot, sigh to sigh while waiting at the food vendor’s booths, people started conversations and talked about their favorite curry or the jerk chicken across the way, and often said, “Don’t miss those amazing home-made ice cream drumsticks. They have either milk or dark chocolate and six varieties of ice cream!” What about that popcorn? Yum.

The most notable place to notice how people honored each other was the condition of the restrooms. I never saw an unflushed toilet, paper on the floor or hair in the sink. People passed new rolls of toilet paper under the door because they knew they had used the last sheet and didn’t want to leave the next inhabitant high and dry! Of course, the fairgrounds maintenance crew had something to do with this, but I’ve been to more events than I care to remember where the restrooms showed lack of concern for others. Here we were where people were camping for four days (or at least attending for 12 hours every day) and everyone was in community. The respect was so high that we could leave our belongings unattended and expect to find them there when we came back. Sigh. It felt like heaven.

To be honest, I had forgotten how that feels. I have become numb so that I can block out the rudeness and impatience of people. I have steeled myself so that I am not overrun by someone who is desperately trying to get the last piece or the best place. As I think about this, I realize there are a few other places I can relax, albeit on a smaller scale. Interestingly enough, one of them is a coffee house here in Berkeley that caters to the same crowd as the California World Music Fest . I’ll be going to Freight and Salvage on Friday to see Blame Sally, one of my favorite groups from the weekend! I am so thankful that I was immersed in that environment long enough to make me aware of that sense of community, and to remind me to look for other places where people honor and respect each other.

© 2007, Jacqueline Hale

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Fourth of July Journal

July 23, 2007 by jacquie.

On the afternoon of July 4, I sat on my deck, reading, and I got to thinking about 4th of July’s past. I grew up on a lake and the tradition was for all of my mom’s sisters and their families to gather in the early afternoon and eat typical midwestern food: hamburgers, potato salad, baked beans, and beer. There wasn’t corn-on –the-cob because it was only “knee high by the fourth of July.” We had a lot of fun at the lake, swimming just sitting around swatting mosquitoes and talking. A least I remember it as fun, until later I learned there were lots of undercurrents of bad memories and hard feelings, but I was oblivious back then.
As I remembered there on my deck, I felt sad and irritated. Sad because I was alone in Berkeley on the 4th of July and irritated about all the unspoken irritations and frustrations that my family didn’t face directly. How could they have all these things going on in the pressure cooker and never address them? What’s wrong with them?
When I still felt unsettled this morning, I began to write about it in my journal. I’m always amazed at how the truth comes out as I write in my journal, which is why I am always encouraging people to journal. You’ll be amazed at what you learn about yourself when you decide on a topic and just start writing – no editing.
In this case, I thought I was mad at my family for having a good time when there are lots of unresolved issues, but I ended up writing about how I miss those family events! My feeling disgruntled was really sour grapes! I miss seeing the people with whom I have generational ties and inside jokes. Maybe I wanted to be disgruntled because I am a very different person from that girl at the lake and I fall into old patterns and it’s hard to be authentic with them. Maybe my own charade is the reason why I don’t see much of my extended family.
As I thought about this, I realized that I really respect their efforts at friendliness and camaraderie and I honor their good intentions, which gives me even more appreciation for the fun of those family times. It sure would be wonderful  to revisit that lake and catch up with the Aunts. It can happen in my dreams!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If you’ve been reading my articles for a long time, you know that I often add a coaching moment or a little exercise to illustrate how you could incorporate self awareness in your own life. Here goes:
1.       Journal. You’ll be surprised at what you learn about yourself!
2.       When you feel disgruntled, instead of thinking what’s wrong with them, look more deeply at your own feelings and you might discover something quite amazing!
Happy July!
©2007, Jacqueline Hale

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How Do You Know You’re on the Right Path?

July 23, 2007 by jacquie.

This is always a tricky question for people seeking to be engaged in their lives. How do you know when a goal you’ve set is the best goal for you?
  • Does it engage your passion?
  • Do you light up when you think or talk about it?
  • Do you have no or only few doubts about your ability to deliver, even when you haven’t any idea how you will go about it?
Answering “yes” to those questions is the starting place for knowing you’re on the right path. I’ve gotten this far a number of times in my life, but then I get stalled. At least, it feels that way. The ultimate indicator of being on purpose is when unexpected events make your path easier.
Last week, I had very good evidence that my decisions of late have been in the right direction. First of all, I decided to concentrate my efforts on writing. I’ve continued to write weekly articles and I’ve started research on my book about co-parenting. In addition to feeling good about and being productive with my writing, I’ve had a few unexpected doors open to me.
Many people offered to help with my co-parenting research and I’ve already started doing the interviews. I’ve had excellent feedback from many areas about the need for such a book. Then yesterday, I got a phone call from the great folks at www.selfgrowth.com offering me a featured writer position. This offer is amazing. It’s exactly what I need and is costing me very little. I had just said last week, that the place I’d really like to make a splash is at Self Growth. Suddenly the cosmic waitress delivers my dream!
This kind of unfolding is what tells me I made the right decision and I am moving in the right direction. I put in my order  to the Universe and the cosmic waitress delivered. I feel totally blessed. When the whole thing is set up and you can see all the benefits I’ve gotten at Self Growth, I’ll let you know. In the meanwhile, imagine me sitting at my keyboard, smiling and appreciative as I design my life.
While I’m here, I’ll imagine you are there, designing your life so that your dreams come true! I look forward to hearing from you.
© 2007, Jacqueline Hale

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Dealing with Disappointment

June 14, 2007 by jacquie.

The launch of Promise Power™ was disappointing. Elaine and I went to the eWomen Network Conference in Dallas with a wonderful product, the Promise Bracelet and a well-appointed booth at the Business Expo — and high hopes. What we learned was that Promise Power wasn’t ready for the big time — yet. Such challenges are always an opportunity to grow and learn. I think we are just beginning to learn from this experience, but I want to share what I already know.
The most important thing is how important it is to collaborate with integrity. Had we not trusted each other, this disappointment might have gotten to be an ugly blame game. Each of us identified the areas where we could have done better and acknowledged each other’s contribution to the scope and vision of what we were doing.
As I prepared for this launch, I learned many techie processes. My time was well spent and I have many resources available for whatever business directions we take, whether it’s Promise Power or my own business, Your Secret of Success.
I came home from the conference more subdued than usual. I needed to reassess what’s next. It seems impossible to know the best next choice, so I am letting it all percolate for awhile before deciding how I will proceed. What I do know is that I still love the coaching industry and I am still committed to helping people discover their own fantastic selves. Even though I technically could retire, I am not ready to stop what I love doing. I have many more words still in me and I am determined to share them with others with the commitment to being as inspired and inspiring as possible.
As much as I didn’t want to admit the truth in public, especially to you who have been reading my blog/articles so faithfully, I found that after only a few days, I no longer needed to hide. I’m ready to say, “OK. That didn’t work. What’s next?”
©2007, Jacqueline Hale

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Avoid Overwhelm

June 5, 2007 by jacquie.

My great friend and master proofreader is visiting for the weekend. As we were discussing our plans for today (Saturday), he asked if I was writing an article so he could proofread it before he leaves on his month-long trip to Italy. My first thought was, “I don’t write on Saturday, I write on Monday.”

Hmmm. Have I let routine take possession of me? My usual schedule is to write on Monday, send it off to be proofed on Tuesday, and publish on Thursday. I like the ebb and flow of my usual schedule because when I follow it, I feel grounded. It works unless I get sick or a Monday holiday interferes. Last week, both disruptions occurred.

Unfortunately, I’m still not totally recovered. For my juggling act, I can’t seem to keep more than one ball aloft at a time. Usually, I do many things at once. You could find me reading email, printing incoming information, installing and evaluating new software and, lately, attending teleseminars on the following topics:

·         Blogging

·         Podcasting

·         Virtual book tours

·         eBook marketing

·         Teleseminars

Not only am I learning about the technical aspects of these topics, I am figuring out how to incorporate them into my current business.

What happens when a multi-tasker dissolves into a uno-tasker? Mainly,  things don’t get done. I’m surprised that I’m not nagging myself about unfinished tasks or incomplete thoughts. One reason is that all of these classes are recorded so that I can just load them onto my iPod and voila! I have a portable class room.

That’s really the beauty of all these cutting-edge technologies I’ve been studying. The fallout from all these classes is that I’ve learned first-hand that it’s not a good idea to pile on too much information. Those five topics are being taught within the same time frame, often for many hours each week. They dovetail with each other, so I took them all because I felt that all five are important. However, I am overloaded, burdened down. All this new information coming at the same time is overwhelming and I often feel sucked into a whirlpool!

Here’s what I am taking away from this experience: when giving information, give it in small portions. Learning and change happen slowly. If I want my clients to incorporate new ideas and create new habits, I must consider how much time and energy they have to assimilate what I offer. I feel relieved by this awareness because I designed one of my latest books with consideration for the readers. Serenity Is an Inside Job takes about a half hour per week for a lesson and 10 to 20 minutes a day for reflection.

Want the $10 eBook or the $20 printed book (includes shipping)?
Go to www.serenitycoach.com/book_store.htm

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Start with an A

May 9, 2007 by jacquie.

I’m reading the Art of Possibility by Rosamund and Benjamin Zander. Ben’s story tells how he, as a professor, used a new approach to inspire Conservatory students to be the best they can be. His idea was this: Everyone gets an A. The students were instrumentalists and singers, the class was the Art of Performance. Ben wanted to eliminate competition and anxiety so that the students would be encouraged to play full out and take risks in order to discover their own unique gifts.

The only requirement was that each student had to write a letter during the first week of class, dated for the end of the course. That letter must describe why the student deserved the A he or she was going to get. They must write the letter as if the events, inspirations, and discoveries had already happened. This is a clever way to embody the adage: Start with the end in mind.

This view of the future is a mind trick we use in teaching the Law of Attraction. If I imagine the success of my new business five years in the future, I can use that vision now to help get me overcome the doubts that creep in. Yes, doubts creep in every day! Bummer. But when I think of the future I don’t get bummed:

When so many people tell their friends about my Secret of Success teleclasses that we have to purchase more conference lines, I am grateful, fulfilled, and joyful. Our  Promise Bracelets are so popular, we’ve engaged a whole village of silversmiths in Mexico to keep our supply flowing, thus creating consistent livelihood for these artisans, promise for the buyers, and income for us to do more good work. I read the many emails that tell us how people’s lives have changed since they listened to our podcast, read our blog, or took our class! I love thinking about all the people I get to know personally, who used to be just names of authors of books on my book shelves. Now I have lunch with them and talk about the latest trend in self growth and spiritual awareness so that we can help people succeed in all aspects of their lives.
Thinking about all those things is like getting an A in my own version of the Art of Performance. I can focus on that vision or I can get caught in the whirlpool of worry about how much I’m spending or how often I haven’t succeeded.  I can listen to that voice in my head that says I’m starting too late or I’m too shy or there are so many more experienced people trying to do the same thing – or I can be inspired by the possibilities I am sure to discover as I engage my enthusiasm about what we can accomplish.

One of the promises we make in our teleseminars is that once you are committed to your goal, you will be amazed at the doors that open for you. It’s happening every week for us and we couldn’t be happier!

Have courage. Promise yourself something wonderful!

© 2007, Jacqueline Hale

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The Fourth Grade Revisited

April 30, 2007 by jacquie.

There I was in my beautiful serape and sombrero, singing in Spanish. It was Show and Tell and was I showing and telling. What was this tan girl from Texas doing singing a song in Spanish on a wintery day in Ohio? My past memory included the class thinking this new girl was stuck up and unfriendly. I detected their dislike right in the middle of my song. Is it any wonder I spent the rest of the school year pretending I was sick? My mother must have been worried. I never told her how much they didn’t want me to speak a different language or wear those fancy clothes.

Imagine how I dragged that feeling with me through the next 54 years. I was always thinking: “Don’t be different, don’t stand out, don’t have something to share.” Ugh! Here I am, launching a new business and lugging along that sense of being disliked and being shunned because I dared to be proud of knowing Spanish in the fourth grade in Ohio! It’s been holding me back for years. Every time I stand to speak in front of an audience, I re-experience that shame which feels like a boulder in the pit of my stomach! As I have been preparing podcasts of my recorded voice, I’ve felt the fear and I’ve continued to prepare anyway. Wouldn’t it be great to let go of that awful feeling and step into the spotlight with a sense of appreciation?

Thoughts create feelings that determine our actions which create our results.
Have you noticed how often this has come up for me in the past few weeks? Three? Four? Five times? Those are the times you’ve read about it, but I’ve encountered it in action a lot more than just those times I wrote about it! Lucky me.

Coaching to the rescue!  Yesterday a coach from one of the groups I’ve joined called to give me a free session. Guess what we talked about! The fourth grade. This is about the millionth time I’ve talked about it, but she had a great suggestion – rewrite the story. What a great idea! As I write this, I’m following the coach’s suggestion. I’m rewriting the fourth grade story before I conduct my first teleseminar I’m leading for this new business, Promise Power™.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Fast Rewind ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Here’s 10 year old, Jackie. (Back then, I spelled my name the conventional way.) I’m talking to my mom about what I could do for Show and Tell at school. “Do you think they’d like to learn that song I’m always singing in Spanish? I really love the way the words just roll around in my mouth. I bet they would too.” My mom had a great idea. “Let’s go find that serape and sombrero you wore in the school play last year – it’ll be perfect with that song.”

Funny, it snowed the day of Show and Tell. I couldn’t believe how cold it was in Ohio compared to Corpus Christi, Texas. I wrapped the serape around me while I waited for the bus. When I got to school, all the girls wanted to know about the blanket and really liked all the pretty colors. We all thought it was scratchy but very pretty anyway. The sombrero! It was really fancy with all the gold braid and stones. The girls kind of squabbled over who got to try it on. 

When it came time to sing, I felt a little nervous but I started out by telling them how all the kids in my old school had to learn Spanish because we lived so close to Mexico. It seemed hard at first but then we realized what a great thing it was because the kids could talk to each other and most of our parents didn’t know what we were talking about. It was like a secret language.  They all wanted to know a secret language.

When I said I would teach them the song, they got quiet. First, I sang it all the way through and then said, “Let’s sing the first part together.” Lucky us! Mrs. Price knew how to play the piano, so she sat right down and played along with us. By the end, the whole class could sing the song and everyone was excited. It was so popular that our homeroom performed it in the Christmas pageant – with me in front, wearing my serape and sombrero.

Now that’s a good story!

 

© 2007, Jacqueline Hale

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An Awesome Responsibility

April 19, 2007 by jacquie.

I’m starting a teleseminar series this week. The information in Your Secret of Success is the same information I’ve used with my clients and other teleseminars I’ve taught in the past. I’m very familiar with it, so I was surprised that along with thoughts about the content for the upcoming class I also experienced a twinge of dread. Maybe “dread” is too strong a word. Maybe it was anxiety. It isn’t a good feeling, whatever I call it.

This is a feeling I recognize from all my work that has been in service to others. I had it whether I did massage or health consulting or coaching or training. Over the years, I began doubting myself because of this twingy feeling. When I would realize I had a client scheduled, I got a sinking feeling. When I had a client coming for health assessment, I felt a similar twinge. When the feeling  happened over and over, I thought, “Hmmm, I think this means I shouldn’t be doing this work if I so often dread doing it.” To be honest, that’s one of the reasons I stopped doing body work and health consulting. If I dreaded seeing clients there must be something wrong. All that thinking there must be something wrong made me believe that something was wrong and as a result, I became less effective.

Thoughts create feelings which determine actions which produce results.
Somehow, I’ve powered through with coaching, the feeling isn’t as strong and I’ve gotten better at centering myself. I learned to be in what I call coach mode, where I am completely involved in what my client is thinking, saying and feeling rather than in what I am experiencing.  Also, in almost all cases, at the end of the appointment, I have a very positive feeling that has allowed me to minimize the dread.

This morning, as I journalled about what I felt about the upcoming teleseminar, I came to an amazing realization. It isn’t dread I’m feeling, it’s the awesome responsibility I have to people who are my clients or students or audience. They put something of great value into my hands – themselves! And in many cases, they have paid me. Therefore it is totally appropriate for me to have feelings about what I am doing with them. I am called to respond to what they need, sometimes before they even know they need it!

Doesn’t it make perfect sense that the feeling was so much stronger when I was putting my hands on people or suggesting supplements to improve their health? In those cases, they were expecting me to take care of them. In my coaching work, I’m expecting them to take care of themselves. A good coach provides the tools for people to change their own lives. However, it’s still an awesome responsibility.

Once I recognized that my anxiety was totally appropriate, I immediately knew what to do about it. I took a deep breath, brought the feeling into my heart and made a commitment to do the best I can to guide my clients and participants to be whole, creative, and resourceful.  What a relief!

© 2007, Jacqueline Hale

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Inflammation

April 12, 2007 by jacquie.

Last week I got inflamed. I was angry about an injustice in my community and the fury was all consuming. A useful coaching question about nearly anything is: What did I learn? What did I learn from being inflamed about injustice?

The first thing I learned was to notice the signs of my anger. My right eyelid was twitching like crazy—a sure sign of stress for me. My neck was uncomfortably tight, my shoulders ached, and I had serious butterflies in my stomach. The symptoms involving the neck and jaw are physical signs of anger. The stomach/solar plexus reactions indicate fear. I actually felt like Vesuvius just about to spew. That’s not a pleasant feeling and far from healthy.

The next step was to articulate what was inflaming me. We had a family dinner in the midst of all the drama and as I was ranting about the situation to my daughter. My mother-in-law asked, “Just what are you so angry about?” What a great question! I took a few deep breaths and focused on the angry feeling, and soon I could clearly articulate what was inflaming me.

I’m mad at _____ because he/she is doing ____. This affects me in the following way ____.

Unfortunately, it took me a few more days to do anything about the volcano action! Eventually, I thought to ask myself: What can I do to change things? Just feeling angry wasn’t accomplishing anything but making me miserable.

I was reminded of this wonderful quote from Gandhi: Be the change you want to see in the world. In this case, the change I wanted to see was that people would cooperate with each other for the greater good of all. Taking that advice to heart, I realized that I needed to understand and cooperate with people rather than sitting around being furious and not taking action.

There’s another appropriate adage here: The only person I can change is me. Since I can’t change the person who inflamed me, my next step was to understand the dilemma from her point of view. What does she want, and why? Once I know that, I can respond rather than react. I can think about it, write about it, and talk to others about it, which widens the sphere of influence so that many people can brainstorm rather than gossip.

Can I change the course of action? Maybe I can’t, especially if the source of my discontent is outside of my sphere of influence, such as in Washington. In such cases, I feel like an ineffective scarecrow, flapping in the wind while the crows continue to eat the corn. But that’s another article for a different day.

 In this case, however, I can have some influence over the course of action. I can use my responsibility (the ability to respond) in a creative and collaborative process that honors everyone. Next, I asked:

What can I do?

Once this became a collaborative effort, I asked:

What can you do?

From that perspective we can come up with some plans which, through trial and error, can eventually support everyone involved. I feel physical and psychic relief already!

© 2007, Jacqueline Hale

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